Don’t miss the 34th Great Port Townsend Bay Kinetic SkulPTure Race, October 1-2, 2016.

The theme this year is “In Search of the Holy Gear.” There will be thrills, there will be chills, songs, and, of course, there will be Glory!

A kinetic skulpture is a human powered, artistically enhanced vehicle that must go through sand (Kwick Sand), mud (The Dismal Bog), float on water (The Great Bay), and transverse hilly, silly neighborhoods. Some skulptures are engineering marvels while most are a mixture of bicycle parts, styrofoam, duct tape, imagination and prayers. Awards are given to each racer whether they want it or not, but the most highly prized award is the “Mediocrity Award,” the skulpture that finishes in the middle of the pack. Kinetic racers as well as Glorious Spectators must be kapable of having fun without taking the event too seriously. Are you ready?!

Kinetic Sculpture photo by Steve Mullensky

Photo by Steve Mullensky

Saturday’s festivities start at Low Noon beginning with the Glorious Parade downtown, full of Glorious Spectators, followed by safety tests, and then the Water Kourse. At 8 pm there will be a Koronation Ball where a new Rose Hips Kween will be chosen, an unbelievable display of talent, jokes and recipes will help the crowd choose the winning kontestant! Live music will be played by a live band to keep everyone dancing and shake it down.

Sunday the race continues, but first, in front of City Hall, the racers will be required to kroon their way into the hearts of the krowd, and perform a sobriety test to prove that the Ball libations did not dull their senses. The racers begin pedaling at Low Noon, Kinetic Kops will issue citations, kontrolling khaos and konfusion at the event, while the glorious judges look on to find their favorites. Bribes given freely may help to keep the judges marking you high and help persuade the kops to ignore felonious indiscretions, and bribing the Kinetic Konsortium is always wise. Racers complete the route around 5 pm if they are lucky, and arrive at the awards ceremony muddy, sore, and yet brimming with well-earned Glory! For more info and to buy tickets, go to